Category: Blogging on blogging



It’s been so long, I don’t even know where to begin, or whether I should just pack in this blog, and give up.

In short – my 365 project has – basically – gone down the tubes. I took all kinds of photos each day when Maine on vacation, but have gone into a funk once I arrived home. Not sure of the reason for this, but lack of interest, motivation, and drive plagues me. In short – days are going by and I’m allowing that to happen without any input from me to shape those days. In truth, this often happens during the summer, as I don’t much like the heat and humidity of the season. I hide inside away from it. However, it’s also likely a mini depression — maybe like a reverse “SAD” — that seems to hit me this time of year. I know I’ll find my way out. I always do, but I need to do it soon! Invigorating this blog may be one way… The advent of fall, cooler weather, and the gorgeous, colorful foliage on trees will be the most helpful way!

Prior to this abrupt end to daily picture taking, I’d force myself to find … *something* … to photograph each day, but the desire to do that disappeared. Besides that, I haven’t posted any photos since July 3. It’s over a month since then. I have photos from our town’s 4th of July parade, from our quick trip to Hilton Head, our trip to Maine, and a few taken in between these events.

I’m not sure where to take this blog now, but, as I type these words, I *am* committed for it to go somewhere.

Maybe it’s best not to bother to number the photos and give up the strict adherence to the project. Maybe the best solution is to simply share photos when I take them, and use them as a springboard for sharing my thoughts and the events of my life. I would like to commit again in another year to the 365 project – but I am under no illusions that it’s easy for me to get bogged down with it.

I think that’s it! Sometimes writing my way to a solution really works for me!

And – with that I’ll work towards an entry or two (or more!) — coming up soon.

Advertisements

This is our last day in Hilton Head for the season. Tomorrow we head north to eastern Long Island for the summer (and part of the fall), and I am having withdrawal pains — missing the “wildlife in my backyard” already. The way I get photos will be very different up there, in that there’s not as much nature close by to me, and – frankly – it will take more work and “hunting” for the nature I so crave now. I suspect there will be more days when my daily photos will be more mundane. But – I will work to find places to go to show you some of the beauties of Long Island. We live less than a mile from the ocean beach. But – it’s different – and crammed with sun bathing tourists in the summer. Wildlife – understandably “scatters” while humans take over the sandy beaches.

I am so behind in posting here – – but I have not forgotten to take my daily photos. Admittedly some have been “rushed” – as I have been busy packing and doing the necessary chores one has to do before leaving one home and going to another. But — I will take the time to post once I’m safely settled up north. It will be nice to reminisce about my time here as I go through my photos to post them.

Sadly I must add one last thing. I am now almost positive that my backyard bluebird nest met with a bad ending. Mom and pop bluebird do not come anymore – and I see even more unidentifiable “dead looking things” on the ground surrounding the bird box. They do look like the tiniest birds… 😦 So sad, and I really don’t know what happened. Predator? Disease?

I probably should clean out the bird box before leaving, but I probably won’t. I admit – I’m a little scared to look inside. But – in the fall, when no one is nesting, I will clean it out and rehang it — this time NOT on a tree, but on a pole. Predators can too easily invade the nest from a tree where it’s much more difficult using a pole that has a predator guard.

See you soon — from eastern Long Island!

Life


This blog is still up and running, despite the fact that I haven’t posted in quite a few days. Right now I’m in Pennsylvania with my 90 year old mom who is hospitalized and very ill. It was quite dire when we arrived, but things are better now. No – things will never be as they were, but what a difference a week makes. We will remain here for a few more days, unless something changes to require us to stay longer. And, at my mom’s age, and with her medical condition, that potential is there.

I continue to take photos each and every day, and, in a sense, they are documenting these days of my life. However, for the moment – while we are here — it is too time consuming to go through and edit, then upload the photos for sharing here. I’ll be back, though. For now, however, I need to focus on what is before me. This is an interesting time of life – – a transitional time within one’s family, and a very special family bonding time.

Life moves in many different ways, as life circumstances happen. Sometimes you live life. Sometimes you write about life. Sometimes those two can co-exist together. For right now I need to live fully – and allow writing to take a back seat.

In time I will be posting the photos I’m taking during these days, and will be back to writing. So … stay tuned!


It’s again been a while since I’ve written here, and this poor blog is suffering from lack of attention.  That is not to say I don’t think about it often – and WANT to write in it, but don’t quite know what to say.  It has come to my attention that I probably have an internal censor – one that is rather unconscious – in that I am rarely able to articulate just WHAT it is that I’m pushing away from being posted here.

I have a few ideas to rev it up – like make this blog’s basis be “photo of the day” which will both encourage me to use my camera more – and to encourage some “stream of consciousness” writing about the photo – and my life on that day.  It would be a tool – a way in the door – for a discussion of my thoughts and feelings and daily life.  I don’t want to start that until the first of the year, though – – or maybe I could do it June 30th, when the year is half over.  I’ll think on that….

Yet – I think it’s probably instructive to write about just WHY I am having trouble, and why I am censoring myself – if, in fact, this is what I’m doing.

I admit I am nervous about making too much of my life public for all the internet to see.  Yeah … like the entire internet is here.  That’s a joke.  I have next to no readership.  But – I have had some spam viewings and comments so there are a few who make a habit of cruising blogs just to leave tacky comments, which I take the time to delete!  It’s not that I fear my own life being public, but I do not want to compromise my family or friends who have no say in what I write about them – even peripherally, or just in “mentions”.

However, there’s more than this….

My self confidence is weak.  Not only that, I also have a very basic fear of abandonment and rejection by others.  Those two traits combine together to make me very nervous about speaking my mind.  First of all – I am not sure what I think and feel about things and do not have confidence in my own beliefs.  I’m easily swayed by others – by strong beliefs that do not match my own, or when I perceive I’m in the minority.  Am I being swayed because they are correct? (for me)?  Am I being swayed because of my lack of confidence in myself and my thought process?  Or, Am I being swayed because I do not want to disagree with others for fear of how that could affect my relationship with them.  If I have to “agree to disagree”, it doesn’t end the friendship – but that “aura of caution” – or – boundaries (I choose) about discussions of certain topics seems to temper the friendship – at least for me.

When I was a child, I was occasionally teased because I had “funny” or “silly” ideas.  For a sensitive child that I was, that’s not a good way to encourage me to think and believe things for myself.  And – I never wanted to admit to my family – or to anyone – how sensitive I was, and put up a cynical, sarcastic exterior.

In the past few years, as our country has been so volatile with political and religious conflict, I have seen many relationships flounder and die because of these disagreements.  Relationships that had been strong, are now strained, or “compartmentalized” where it’s mutually decided (or one member decides) that politics and religion are to be removed from discussion in order for the relationship to remain.  Some relationships have ended altogether.  I’ve seen Facebook and my Live Journal journaling group erupt when these things come up for discussion.  I have recoiled and have been very cautious – commenting little on posts like that.

Because of my fears of losing friendships – I have backed away from figuring out where I stand on things.  Clearly I have chosen “relationships” – no matter how good or how bad – over my beliefs and identity.  In fact – it has occurred to me that don’t want to know who I am for fear that standing up for that will impact friendships negatively.  I back off from learning about myself – much less broadcasting that.  I’ve often ended up to be a fence sitter – being the one that “sees both sides of an issue”.  In many ways, that is an honorable place to be.  We all need to understand how other’s feel and think.  However, we also need to know how WE think.  This means that I appear (and probably am) rather “wishy washy”.  It’s also occurred to me that people may see through this and know what is going on inside maybe even better than I do!

I remember way back in the beginning of therapy many years ago the statement “To Know Me Is To Hate Me” just fell out of my mouth.  I didn’t know I was going to say it until it was said.  I think that is telling as to the motivation of why I don’t want to be truly “known”.

It is sad that I will compromise my own identity – my own SELF – to have “relationship”.  The reality is that these relationships are not worthy if they would so quickly go away if I was to be who I am?  Sad that I think so little of myself that I choose not to “be me” in order to have “them”.

But – – who am I?

When you have spent a lifetime (and I do think it’s been that long!) of pushing your own beliefs underground, it becomes difficult to unearth what they might be.  It’s difficult to know when I’m espousing another’s belief (so I’ll be accepted by them) or whether I really believe that.  One truly can lose the ability to know oneself if it’s not honed on a consistent basis.  Identities are fragile – easily injured…

Recently I have taken the risk to state a few of my views (or what I think are my views?!) – and have had to deal with adamant disagreement.  When that happens – I have observed myself “caving” – compromising my views – fearing the loss of friends.

With all this in mind, it’s no wonder I struggle with blogging.  The essence of blogging is the ability to know one’s beliefs, as well as state them – to be “out there” with them, and allow the chips to fall where they may.  It might be better to stick with the smaller – and more “daily” events of my life.  Yet – even they seem to be censored, as well.  It’s as if the censor inside of me doesn’t differentiate between important and unimportant events or feelings.   It’s clear my censor is using up way too  much energy and sapping the life out of me.  My censor is my fear … my negativity, run amuk.  I am going through life without knowledge, joy, and wonderment – because I have not been able to let go to them.  They are out of my consciousness.  I’m just “getting through each day” – rather than experiencing it.  And … I need to find a way of letting that go – to find and reveal the real person that is me.

And – trust me … this blog entry in itself, is a risk.


Since I’ve been blogging, there is a “truth” about the process which has become very clear to me:  The longer you go without making an entry, the harder it is TO make an entry!  “Time” brings on “mind clutter”, and one has to wade through that in order to write something.  It’s my theory of chaos in all facets of life.  The more clutter there is, the easier it is to run – head firmly planted in the sand – away from that chaos which becomes increasingly hard to fathom.  And … so … with that in mind, I return again to this blog that clearly was in danger of being left for dead with resolve not to let the chaos overtake me.

I also believe that in the blogging world, there is very little tolerance for long term (or even short term!) “negativity”.  It’s ok to mention negative things, or have a “down” post once in a while.  However, ultimately a positive spin needs to be put on these things.  But a “negative blog” just doesn’t work.  When in the midst of situations like this, I become overwhelmed – almost “imprisoned – by the depressing mood of the moment – so much so that putting a positive spin on it when writing becomes difficult.  I need to work on seeing the larger picture – even when in the midst of difficult, negative life issues.

Which brings me to the issue of my silence….

It was a rough fall and early winter for me.   When I left you in mid October, things were going downhill.  After a power walk, motivated by my blog entry on my need to do something about my weight, I blew my knee out.  I wrote a few more entries after that, but my momentum was sorely lacking.

I quickly got an appointment with the orthopedist.  His diagnosis:  a torn meniscus – but not a serious one which would require surgery,  He recommended physical rehab.  For the month of October into November, I put my heart and soul into it, and my knee improved greatly.  I totally enjoyed rehab – but in all honesty, I do not know if the improvement was as a result of that.  It didn’t matter why it was better, as long as it was.  I looked forward to returning to the state where I would not have to think about my knee every step I took.  There was – and still is — the undercurrent of fear that I might injure my knee so that I’d lose forever the ability to do the activities I take for granted:  photography jaunts, golf, and just routine errand running!

In the midst of this potential loss, another loss was looming:  Since November, 2008 we had been giving our sweet black cat, Shadow (that you see in the icon above) subcutaneous infusions as a result of kidney failure, which is common in older cats.  There is no cure for this, so the reality is that her condition would only worsen with time, but she did so well for little more than a year and a half.  During the summer – almost imperceptibly – she began her decline.  Her eating and activity level lessened.  She was slowly losing weight almost without notice.  I think it was the brutal heat we had over the summer, and without our house being air conditioned, it’s my opinion that this took a toll on her.   By September, it was clear she was not doing well.  She was lethargic – barely moving from one spot both day and night.  Watching this was like watching a slow death – and I knew this was what was happening.  The chronic sadness about this took it’s toll. 

We had to return to Hilton Head in late October for a few days, and we boarded her at the vets instead of getting a pet sitter so that she could be watched more carefully.  That was a tough decision because I didn’t know how well she’d thrive being cooped up in a cage in a strange place, but she did ok, and we brought her home – maybe a little better from that experience.  For the month of November her health remained constant, although I suspect that she was declining still – again imperceptibly.   Again we had to board her over Thanksgiving while we visited my family in PA, but this time she returned home clearly more sick.  She was barely eating – and was skin and bones – only 6 lbs. on her rather large kitty frame.

It was our plan to leave for Hilton Head for the winter about two days after returning from our Thanksgiving trip.  It had been our plan to take Shadow with us.  But – her condition was dire.

We had vowed that we would intervene in Shadow’s health only as long as she had “quality of life”.  After Thanksgiving, however, it slowly became clear that this had ended.  I wasn’t even sure she would survive the two day car trip to Hilton Head from Long Island.

Would we be putting Shadow down only for our convenience – so that we could go to Hilton Head at the time when we wanted to go?  Those few days after our Thanksgiving trip were dark ones for both my husband and I as we wrestled with the decision.

What to do?  What to do???

On December 1, we put Shadow down.  It was one of the saddest days for us.  But – in the end, both of us are convinced we made the right decision for her.  She had no quality of life, with little hope for it to return.  We loved her – and her brother, Phantom (who died in November, 2006 of an inner ear tumor), deeply.  They were our “dynamic duo” – so special in our lives.  No matter what other kitties would grace our household again, there would be no kitties like them ever again.  It was an end of a wonderful era….

The next day we left for Hilton Head …. cat-less.   It was hard to pack.  It was hard to go.  I wanted to curl up and mourn my sweet Shadow.  But … we left…

Emotionally I was “in limbo” during the month of December.  I was healing from the loss of Shadow – or trying to – by preparing for Christmas.  We decorated the house, shopped both online and in the stores, and prepared for a trip to PA on Christmas day until December 29th.  But in the midst of all that, my knee went “out” – yet again — during a photography walk on the beach in mid December.  Add to that – a rash I have been battling for the last two years flared up around Thanksgiving.  Let’s just say:  The itching was relentless until I got a “miracle cream” prescribed by a dermatologist whom I saw only days after arriving in Hilton Head.

My knee is better, but it’s now fragile in a way it was not before.  I do not know if surgery is in my future, but will be waiting until we go back north (where our health insurance is in effect) to have that evaluated again.  I am doing the exercises I learned in rehab, and wearing a brace when I walk.  There are good days and bad days, and do not know why my knee’s condition fluctuates so much.  I’m just relieved to be relatively mobile.

I know for a fact that my overall mood is rising.  On January 7th we went to the Hilton Head Humane Association and brought home two litter mate tuxedo kittens (one male, one female, about 6 months old) which we’ve named Felix and Misty.  What cuties they are, and to be honest, I knew I could fall in love again!  When I saw them lick each other after removing them from the cage in the Humane Association to see how they would react to each other, I was smitten and knew they would be my kitties!  After a month without a cat in our house, I have discovered that our house could never be a “home” without a cat (or cats) in it!  Kittens are a new experience after having elderly cats for so long – and they are into everything.  Fragile items have been put away.  Upholstered Furniture is vulnerable to kitty claws.  But – it’s all good!  They love each other – and us – and we love them.

And – I will leave you with a few pictures of the kitty loves of my life:

IMG_3299 IMG_3308

IMG_3205 IMG_3185

1.  Misty (no white on chin and a smaller kitty) and Felix (white on chin and a slightly larger kitty lying together.  Misty’s head is on Felix’s body.

2.  Misty in the sisal “Cat Shack” we bought them

3.  Felix “birding” out the sliding glass door

4.  Kitty Kisses

Very soon I will be changing some pictures on my blog’s sidebar to reflect our new additions – but will always keep Shadow and Phantom not far from here, too.  (EDIT:  This has been done)  I also hope not to allow this much time to go by between entries.


Back in  late February, my friend, Connie emailed me with suggestion for some good reading:  Abby’s Blog over on Blogspot.  Abby is a 16 year old girl who was trying to be the youngest to sail solo around the world in her sailboat, “Wild Eyes”.  She was keeping a blog so that all of us internet junkies could follow her adventures.  At the time when I joined Abby on her journey, she already had stopped for repairs in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, but that would not compromise her goal to circumnavigate the earth because she had not gone below the equator at that time.  I began reading her adventure just before she sailed over the equator toward Cape Horn. 

It didn’t take long to get caught up in the drama of her story.  Some days it was mundane and routine, but other days there was wild wind.  Once she was knocked about by a rogue wave. When the Tsunami hit off the coast of Chile, there was concern, but she felt next to nothing.  She sailed around Cape Horn, then was on to Africa. 

However, between Cape Horn and Africa, she ran into hassles with the auto pilot.  She had two and only her back-up was working.  When that one gave her trouble, there were phone calls with her team as they guided her through the repair process.  I was so impressed with her abilities as she took care of the problems at hand.  Finally, after a few days of working with this, her team decided for safety reasons she should stop at Capetown, South Africa for repairs.  So much for the “solo attempt”.  Stopping ended that dream, but not the dream to finish – despite the stop.  Abby pressed on after a week or so.

This next part of her trip was dicey.  The Southern and Indian Oceans are rather stormy and cold this time of year.   With her delays due to repairs, the timing for sailing these oceans was changed negatively.  The conditions would clearly be less than optimum – though still doable.  And – she did run into storms – and high seas with winds up to 60 knots.  Wow – it was like “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride”!  Each day I looked for her blog – hoping for an entry – wondering what had happened since her last entry.  It was a “Soap Opera” out at sea!  I couldn’t help but worry – wondering how dangerous this really was.  Yet, clearly, Abby was up to the tasks she had before her.   I continually marveled at her strength, courage, resourcefulness and maturity – more than most adults who claim to be “mature”!  I also asked myself what was *I* doing at age 16? 

Then it happened.  On June 10th, not long after being cut off while talking to her parents, her emergency GPS beacon went off, letting everyone know that she was in distress.  A few hours later, a Qantas plane flew over and was able to communicate with her as she waited for a fishing vessel to rescue her a few days later.  “Wild Eyes” mast had broken off in a wild storm, but she was safe – still aboard her beloved boat.  “Wild Eyes” had  weathered the storm in tact, and would keep Abby safe until her rescue.  As I type now, she is headed to Reunion Island, where she will fly home to California.  Sadly, I don’t think that “Wild Eyes” can be saved.  Who knows where she is now….  

Prior to the rescue, when things were going well, the mainstream media didn’t pay much attention to Abby’s journey.  Abby had quite a following on her blog, but that was about it.  But after her emergency, after things went down hill, the media came onto the scene – like flies to fly paper – and had a field day over the wisdom of a 16 year old girl being out at sea alone.  There was criticism of her parents for allowing her to do this, and it was said a few times that it bordered on “child abuse”.  There were allegations that she was being forced to do this.  However, the long term readers of Abby’s Blog knew this was not the truth.  I could feel her own enthusiasm for this venture which could never have been forced over the long haul.

Then there was the cost of the rescue efforts, and who pays for them, and who puts their own life in jeopardy to save another person’s life.  I gather that the Australian government accepted the task so all is well there, but it does bring to mind the possible consequences for these adventures gone awry.  Extraordinary measures are always taken to save human life, as it’s value is priceless.  Yet – we need not take the cost of them – and the effort it takes – for granted, either.  It is something to think about.

I’m sad that Abby’s adventure is over – and that she was unable to do it.  With the media frenzy, I am finding myself defending Abby – and her parents – for their decision to allow her to do this.  I experienced her maturity first hand from her numerous blog posts.  Yet – I cannot help but realize the potential that this endeavor could have for tragedy.  And – Abby WAS close to tragedy herself.  Abby was clearly qualified for this, maybe more than most adults.  However, some other 16 year old might not be.  What if someone younger tries this in order to beat the existing age record.  The bottom line is:  when is “young”, too young?  Can we trust people who choose to do this to know they are competent enough?  I’m not sure….

There has been talk that Abby might try again.  I don’t know what I think about this, as I personally am not a risk taker, and there is a part of me that says – don’t tempt fate a second time.  But, Abby is a risk taker, and maybe we all can learn from Abby.  She is a person who thrives pushing her own potential to the limit no matter what she does.  Her personality is based on “adventure” and “possibilities”.  She will never sit at a desk and be content!

Whatever the case, Abby says she will continue to blog, and I hope that she finds something to do that makes her feel energized.  I hope that the “failure” of this trip doesn’t get her down, and she is ultimately able to see this as a success – just not the success that she’d hoped for and expected.  I pray that the media frenzy (and criticism) doesn’t intimidate her into censoring herself in her blog – and in her life’s ambitions. 

I think we need more people like Abby in this world.  I have often wondered if we pamper ourselves too much – as we do our children.  We choose the easy way because it’s safe and comfy.  We worry – maybe too much – about “safety”.  Instead of focusing on “life’s possibilities”, we remind ourselves and our kids of “life’s limitations”.   We fear allowing ourselves (and children) to “go for it” – to explore – to take a few chances.  We want to protect them in a bubble so no harm will come to them.  Granted — circumnavigating the world in a sailboat is “over the top” for most people – adults or teens, and I’m not encouraging anyone to do THIS specific thing.  But – to me the lesson is to make sure we don’t thwart our human potential and spirit of adventure.  I often wonder what things are not being accomplished because we are way too often in “over protective” mode.


I admit – I still do not have a clear idea of what I want to do with this blog.  At this point, I’m sort of going along as I feel – and maybe that is the best way.  It will evolve as it will…

I know one thing for sure, however.  There will be photos posted here – maybe in “photo journalistic” style where I combine text with those photos.  Taking pictures is what I do!  It’s what I love!   It’s when I’m at the most within myself and at peace.  Since I have discovered photography, it’s often the way I view the world – and the way I communicate with others as to how I see it, maybe even more so than verbally.  Sharing a photograph is communication in it’s own right.  Adding text to the sharing is communication at it’s very best – at least for me.  That old saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words” is apropos here.  And, if the picture is something I’ve taken – it’s even more so.

With that in mind, I’d like to share two different photo outings I’ve had in the last few weeks.  Each outing will have it’s own entry….

Whooping Crane Conservancy

Inside our housing community here on Hilton Head Island is this wonderful area which has been left pristine … “as is” … i.e. – as nature formed it!  To explain more fully:  Many parts of Hilton Head Island consist of “planned communities”.  In many cases, it’s reclaimed land which once had been swamp land – a typical example of what is referred to as “The Low Country”.  What they did when developing Hilton Head was to create man-made lagoons to “corral” the water into deeper water bodies, so that there would be land to build houses and roads.  However, in most of the housing communities, they left a percentage of the land pristine to allow the wildlife to have some of their original habitat.  The aquatic wildlife continues to thrive on the lagoons – but they seem to congregate in these conservanciesl.

I am not totally sure why they named the conservancy “Whooping Crane” .  There are no whooping cranes there anymore, although there probably used to be, at least according to the literature on the area  They are endangered elsewhere, I believe.

To allow the residents to view these pristine areas, our housing development has built a boardwalk which goes through a portion of this conservancy.  If this were not there, it would be next to impossible to experience this habitat.  The swamp is a rather hostile environment to walk.  In wet weather, like we have now, the water can be quite deep – and – yes … alligators live there, swimming around or buried in the mud.  I have only personally seen one there – a small one a few years ago.  However, there are more there than meet the eye….

No pets are permitted so that the wildlife that live there is not disturbed by a barking dog, which might get overly excited by the sights and sounds there.

So – occasionally I go there – with my camera to experience the ambiance and to take photos of it all.  Often I go in with others, as it’s a fun outing to experience together with friends.  But, that isn’t always the most conducive to seeing wildlife because it’s too easy to chat with one’s companion.  Being extra quiet so the wildlife will allow themselves to be seen is imperative.

On this particular day, however, I was alone and crept softly along the boardwalk.  I was hyper sensitive to sounds and sights, and it’s amazing what a noisy place it is.  The beauty of the place went into my being!!  I heard cardinals and woodpeckers and crows and many other songbirds I was not able to identify.  On that day, however, I did not see much to photograph except for a pair of Merganser ducks and one woodpecker (and that picture was not very good).  I’d hoped to encounter an ibis, egret or heron or two – but that was not to be.  But – it’s never a wasted trip as the landscape itself is gorgeous:


A photo of the boardwalk and the view I had while walking

1. Male Merganser duck. The female was with him, but I wasn’t able to get the two together as those two trees made it difficult

2. Vegetation that grows up in the swamp

3. Interesting berries — probably the only bright "color" there other than greens, grays and browns, which made them stick out

4. Interesting root system in the swamp

All of these photos can be clicked and it will take you to my photo site in Flickr.  There you can click “all sizes” and will be able to see the photo larger.  Some photos are not as effective in the small sizes that I will mostly show here.

Enjoy!  🙂


For the last few days, I have been spending way too much time perusing both Blogger and WordPress to decide which way to go if I choose to start a public blog. This entry is on WordPress because, at this point, I am leaning this way.

Clearly I’m a luddite. Even using the ready made templates and drop and drag widgets, I’m still confused. I have been cloistered in Live Journal since 2001, and their system is different. They have added some things, but it’s still a different site. Things such as "subscriptions" and "blogrolls" do not exist on Live Journal, in favor of "communities" and friends lists. How does one set up a blogroll. What are subscriptions. How does one subscribe to another journal (it’s called "following" on blogger – that is – if it is the same thing) I sense that on Blogger one can only have as many widgets as the layout will allow – but one can add any number of them to the WordPress blog. Yet – I read where WordPress won’t allow anything except their own widgets. I have managed to change the photo to my own photo on this layout, but unless I pay, I can’t use custom layouts. With Blogger, you can. So many things to consider and work to understand….

Here is a link that will help the comparison process: http://pulsed.blogspot.com/2007/07/blogger-wordpress-chart.html

But — all of this is about cosmetics. My real concern now is more about why do I really want to begin another blog, when I’m happy where I am – – which I am. I have a wonderful "friends list" (subscribers or followers) and many are truly friends. Why do I need to add to this?

My Live Journal is locked – for friends only. The personal nature of what I include in that journal demands that it not be public. The draw for me now is to be writing something that can be made public yet still be somewhat personal with depth. What I can’t figure out is WHY I have this compulsion. When I go into my heart – I feel this odd and pervasive desire to have strangers — "unknowns" — attracted by my verbiage.  Yet, why isn’t Live Journal fulfilling this need? Why do I need more and more of this attention? I suspect this is about finding outer things to fulfill me rather than looking within and making me good enough FOR me! Yet — this is not to say there is anything wrong or "unhealthy" in doing this, as long as there is some kind of balance.  I’m not known for that, however….

Even though I’ve lived with these feelings for a long time, (which is why I’ve had a shell of a blog at blogger for several years now — awaiting the time I’d begin it) what has moved me to do this is my childhood friend starting a Blogger blog. I want to reciprocate and share a blog with her. I know that blogging together will strengthen our friendship. Her entries have been interesting and full of deth.  I’d like to do the same.

Then there are the time constraints. I’m involved with my photography and Flickr. My Live Journal takes time – as does Facebook. Can I keep this up? I am not the kind of person who whips things off quickly. Blogging takes time for me – I rewrite a lot.

Then … what would be the theme of this journal? First thought: a photoblog intermixed with personal insights. I can x-post some of my photo posts from Live Journal here. They are most often fine for public viewing. I also need to keep it from involving (or better said) compromising other people who share my life, and myself, too. If I do need to mention others, as I know will happen because I don’t live in a vacuum, do i use pseudonyms? Or — is using first names ok?

It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out….!

Indecision…!


I’ve created a blog here, but not yet sure of it’s purpose.  I don’t even know if I’ll keep it.  The truth is, I already have a long standing blog over at Live Journal (http://sweetmeow.livejournal.com/), which I began in 2001.  However, it’s a locked journal — for "friends only".  I’m very happy over there, and have made wonderful friends.

Lately, however, I’ve had a hankering to have a public blog somewhere else, which would involve writing a bit differently knowing I would have no control who read my words.  Both the Blogger and Word Press sites seem to cater to the more mature blogger, of which I’m one, so I suspect that’s the lure to come to either of these places for public blogging.  Word Press seems to have more features, so am considering being here.  However, my long time childhood friend is on Blogger, and I’d like to make it easy for her to link to my public blog, so Blogger would make sense if I use that criteria.

So — since I can’t make a decision right now, I have the shell of a blog both here and on Blogger.  Give me time!

%d bloggers like this: